There is freedom in exposure and power in written word.
I have found that documenting the seemingly mundane occurrences of ordinary days mystically unlocks the riches buried within them. Our lives are masterpieces, mosaics; Divinely composed of single moments- some dark and ominous, others bright and sparkling with promise- each working together to bring about a unique and extraordinary design. We are fashioned with purpose as unique expressions of God to our world. This is my attempt to illuminate and celebrate the various shades of the mosaic of my life.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


I am tense tonight, filled with such a paradox of emotion. I have sifted through page after page of information on breastfeeding toddlers and the weaning process (yes- this issue is still on my mind). The benefits of nursing are undeniable, yet I have been met in recent months with such opposition in this area that I find myself constantly questioning my decision to continue. I am shocked at how many gasp at the mention of breastfeeding beyond a year.

Jonah has expressed absolutely no interest in weaning. He hasn’t slowed or tapered one bit. In fact, it seems in recent weeks, his desire to nurse has increased. I contribute this to a need to reestablish a sense of security after exercising his independence. He is deeply comforted and soothed at the breast. It seems to be his centering place, a sanctuary of sorts.

And I must admit, during these days of ever increasing displays of freedom and autonomy it is satisfying to reconnect with Jonah in this way. It calms us and requires us to be still and skin-to-skin. It is a sacred exchange really, and all too fleeting.

That being said, I absolutely sense that it is time to institute boundaries in this area. Up until this point I have literally been at Jonah’s beck and call, which I don’t regret and will likely repeat with subsequent children. However, I am beginning to see that the rules and developmental necessities of toddlerhood are vastly different from infancy.

I am quickly finding that toddlers don’t have the best manners. They are often demanding and have very little emotional control in the face of opposition to their desires. If I deny Jonah the breast when he signals for it (which happens only during cluster feeds or in inappropriate places), he quickly shifts into tantrum mode. His cry is panicky and his sobbing is so intense it takes his breath away. He arches his back and kicks his legs as if to beg in desperation. It is, in my opinion, a feening of sorts much like you’d see in a rehab clinic. So, it’s definitely time to encourage nursing manners and establish boundaries for the sake of my sanity and our peace, but HOW?!

I ordered a book tonight called Mothering Your Nursing Toddler by Norma Jane Burmgarner. I am hopeful that it will provide wisdom, validation and direction- God knows I need it!


  1. I think it is awesome for you to nurse your child for however long you want :). I just now found your blog. I enjoy reading it! Keep it up. Jamie:)

  2. Jessica, I think as mothers we all have issues establishing and following through with boundaries. Be it, nursing, the pacifier, sharing, potty training. A very wise and seasoned mother once told me,"don't worry, they won't go to college nursing or in diapers". A little light-hearted I know, but its all in your and Jonah's comforts. You are a wonderful mother!

  3. Please post about your journey. I would love to hear about what you learn as I may be in your shoes in the not too far future. It's crazy how they can start throwing fits so young!

  4. jess - after being with you guys last night and experiencing Jonah's "addiction" first hand, my prayers will be with you daily! haha. I say that in a lighthearted but serious manner. I know your heart is so torn by this. And while I believe it's ok to nurse as long as you need, this may be an entirely different issue your dealing with. I know i'm not a seasoned mother or a nurser, but maybe your dealing him throwing a massive tantrum because he wants something and he knows if he throws it long enough, he will get his way. Maybe? I'm not sure. But my prayers are most definitely with you and I'm always hear to listen and encourage! love you bunches. Jonah is SO lucky you are his mother!!

  5. Jess!..i hear your mother heart through this matter and pray for wisdom.
    I know that in my experiences over the years...I have definitly gone through this stage with a few of the children and with the extended nursing. You should be proud of yourself for still nursing your precious little guy as in my opinion is Crucial for a toddler to maintain that bond. IT benefits little ones soo much-emotionally, and helps them to learn to trust and find comfort and stability. However there does come a time where "rules" may need to be integrated.and you are absolutely right-BOUNDARIES are a must and the child ought to learn them and respect you as their mother to obey them and training their hearts is an important part of mothering them.
    I can honestly say that each and every one of our children have done the tantrum thing and their WILLS are very evident and blooming at this age....and it is our job to guide and help them learn to "control" themselves and their strong passionate wills into what is good, wholesome and right.
    I am confident you and little Jonah will work this out together in love and that you will be able to continue to nurture and meet his needs in this special way. IT is best..and God's design for babies to still NEED their mothers and still depend on them for soo long. its amazing, and wonderful and altogether very humbling!!
    this is coming from a mother's heart...
    in Him,